Who Framed Naruto Uzumaki?
by PKAquaFlame
Summary: Parody of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? When Naruto's framed for murder, Alice must help him clear his name. But there's more to this case than she knows. Rated for language. FINITO!
1. Cast List

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

I've been thinking about this for a while. For now it's only the cast list. So...yeah.

On with the fic!

* * *

Roger: Naruto (Anime of the same name)

Jessica: Either Hinata or Sakura. Probably Hinata, though. (_Naruto_)

Eddie: Alice (_American McGee's Alice_)

Dolores: Probably Al Elric (_FullMetal Alchemist_)

Doom: ?

Marvin: Jiraya (or however the hell you spell it) (_Naruto_)

Maroon: ?

* * *

That's all I can think of for now. So all I need help with are the parts of Doom, Maroon, and anyone else I forgot to mention.

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	2. Enter Alice Liddell

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

On with the fic!

* * *

Ah...Traverse Town. Literally the center of the universe. Times are pretty crappy, but we're pretty sure they can't get worse. (1)

Anyway, it was a busy place full of busy people. It's home to three very scenic Districts, multiple shops, and...

"CUT! Cut, cut, cut, cut, _**CUT**_!!"

And it's also home to Dark Raven Studios, where a certain ninja was getting in to deep sh- I mean trouble..._again._

"What was wrong with that take?!" a pink haired girl yelled. She had green eyes, a pink top, black shorts, and a blue headband with a leaf engraved in the metal part of it.

"Nothing, Sakura," the director assured them. "You and the others were great. It's Naruto! He keeps screwing up!" And to prove his point, he got out a script and flipped to the page where the screw up happened.

"Naruto," he asked. "What jutsu did you use?"

A blonde haired boy pondered over this. He had an orange and black jacket, black pants, and the same headband as Sakura, except his is black where hers is blue.

"Um...Replacement Jutsu?" he asked. The director nodded.

"That's not in the script. It says 'Naruto jumps in, and uses the Shadow Clone Jutsu, and _then _the Replacement Jutsu!" The director exclaimed, exasperated. This was, what...the thousandth time they had gotten over this?

"For Pete's sake, Naruto! We'll never get this finished in time!" Sakura fumed, walking off.

Naruto sighed. Lately he's been out of it. Why was it happening to him now, of all times?

Among the numerous members of the audience was a young woman, in her early twenties. She had long red hair, green eyes, and a blue dress, a white apron, and black boots. She was Alice Liddell. She used to be one of the best PIs in town, but since her tragedy five years ago...Let's just say she hasn't been the same.

"Toons," she muttered in annoyance. She had hated Toons, for a good reason. In fact, she wouldn't even be here if the head of the studio, Edward Pembrook (2), hadn't requested her assistance. And part of this assistance was that Alice see them shooting the scene.

_That arsehole had better make this trip worth it, _she thought as she made a beeline for Pembrook's office.

* * *

Alice soon approached the desk of Pembrook's secretary.

"Excuse me. I'm here to see Mr. Pembrook?" she asked. The secretary nodded, muttering a quick, "Go in." Alice did so and saw that he was viewing a newly made cartoon of his employee's. Pembrook had a blue suit with white pinstripes. He had brown shoes and was seated in a wheelchair. Suddenly, Pembrook made an exasperated groan.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! Wait until he's not looking, _then _hit him with a truck!" he snapped. The employee nodded and went to his studio to make the changes. Pembrook groaned again, and then he saw Alice. He smiled politely.

"Hello, Miss Liddell. Do forgive me for that outburst you just witnessed. You never know what can happen at a cartoon studio," he said.

"It's Alice. And I thought I was the insane one," Alice replied, noting the clean-up crew cleaning up the film left from that earlier viewing.

"Well, then, Alice. Tell me, what do you know about show business?" Pembrook asked.

"Only that there's no business like it," Alice said. With a cynical smile, she added, "Like no business I know."

"Please, don't make a reference to that stupid song. (3) But you're right, it's great, but it's also expensive. You saw that fiasco with Naruto, right?" he asked. Alice nodded. He continued, "Pretty good, but we're way over budget. Why is this?" Before Alice could answer, he continued, "Because Naruto's messing up his lines. I think it's because of something he's got on his mind. Know why?" This time he paused, giving Alice time to answer.

"One too many bumps in the head from Sakura? Who knows really, he's always been a dope," Alice replied.

"That may be true, but he's still a ninja. Don't forget the fact that he's the demon container for the Kyuubi. You could bang him on the head with a crowbar and he'd still be up and running. But if you break his heart, that's a horse of a different color. See this yet?" Pembrook said, handing Alice a newspaper. The headline read, 'Hyuuga seen with mystery friend."

"I see. But where exactly do I come in?" Alice asked.

"I want to prove that Hinata hasn't been exactly faithful. You are to take pictures of her and her friend," Pembrook replied. Alice shook her head.

"Go find someone else. I don't work in Toontown anymore," she deadpanned, about to walk away.

"You don't have to," Pembrook shot back. "I hear Hinata's working as a waitress in that fancy new bar. Strictly humans only."

That caused Alice to reconsider a bit. She eyed the minibar behind Pembrook's desk.

"I'm waiting for your answer, Alice," Pembrook coaxed. Alice walked toward the minibar, saying, "The job'll cost you a hundred bucks, plus expenses."

"A hundred bucks?! That's ridiculous!" Pembrook snapped. Alice smirked cynically.

"And the last time I checked, this snoop job isn't exactly normal!" she shot back. Pembrook put his hands up in resignation.

"Okay, you got a hundred bucks. Have a drink?" he offered.

"I was just about to, thanks," she replied, taking a sip of the sake. She recoiled upon tasting it. _Too dry... _She looked out the window as Pembrook wrote the check. Out of nowhere, something pink blocked her view of the city. She jumped back and got out a dagger. Pembrook saw that and wheeled his way towards the window.

"Calm down, Alice. It's only Shippo," he said, pulling up the blinds. Sure enough, the kitsune was in his pink balloon form.

"I _know_who that is," Alice snapped. Pembrook gave Shippo some acorns ("The best thing about kitsune is that they work for acorns," he said while doing this) and gave Alice the check. She frowned upon seeing the amount.

"I'm sorry, you must be mistaken. I said a hundred," she said, since the amount said fifty. Pembrook smiled.

"Let's just call the other fifty a reward for doing this little favor for me," she said. Alice sighed, seeing herself out.

"I think you've been around ninjas for too long..."

* * *

On her way to her office, she noted the buses going around the town.

"Best transportation system in the world," she said to herself. "Cheap."

What Alice didn't notice was that when she got to her office, the bus station across the street had been sold out to Hearts Industries.

"Hey, Alice," the nearby postman said, putting mail in the mailbox.

"Hello, Bob. Anything good?" she asked. Bob handed her envelopes.

"Take a guess," he deadpanned, causing Alice to sigh. Bills..._again. _Alice made a beeline towards the Traverse Tavern, one of the most popular joints in town. She threw the bills out on her way.

When she stepped inside, the first thing she noticed was a passed out someone on the table. That someone was a guy with a red shirt, blue pants, and gray shoes. She walked over to the bar and asked, "What's with Barney?"

"Poor guy got laid off. Heart Industries got a hold of some of the small businesses," Lenny replied.

"No kidding? Did they get to the buses?" Alice asked, out of surprise.

"They just did. Didn't you see the sign on the way here?" Carl asked. Alice shook her head as she sat down on a stool. She picked up a nearby glass and gave a cynical smile.

"Here's to the big businesses, gentlemen," she said, raising her glass up. "May they one day get theirs." She was about to drink when a hand stopped her progress. The hand belonged to a young man with brown hair, blue-green eyes, a white shirt, blue jeans, and black boots. He was Alphonse Elric, the bartender.

"Hold it, Alice. Remember what tomorrow is?" he asked. Alice blinked.

"Friday?" she asked, causing Al to nod.

"Friday is the day when Moe checks the records. And if he sees that the hundred bucks I let you borrow is still gone, I'll lose my job!" he snapped.

"Calm down, Alphonse. Here you go. This should hold you over a bit," Alice replied, handing him the check. Al raised an eyebrow, taking the check.

"Fifty bucks?" he asked, smiling. He was glad that Alice finally got a job. But..."Where's the other fifty?" he asked, smile fading.

"That, my dear Alphonse, is only a snoop job away," Alice replied, causing Al to sigh. "Do you still have that camera? Mine's at the shop."

"You don't mean the pawn shop, do ya?" Lenny snickered. Al gave her an exasperated look.

"Come on, Alphonse," Alice coaxed. "You need the other fifty, I need the camera to obtain said amount." Al finally gave in and got a camera from a nearby box. He handed it to Alice.

"Yes, there's film. There should be, at least. I haven't used it since our trip to Isle Delfino," Alphonse said, before Alice could ask. Alice smiled upon remembering that. That trip was six years ago.

"That was fun. I should like a trip there when this is over," she said.

"So, is this any good?" Al asked. Alice pointed at the signature. He raised an eyebrow when he read it.

"Edward Pembrook? From the Dark Raven Cartoon studios??" he asked skeptically. Had the world somehow turned upside down?

"Well, whaddo ya know?" Homer asked, sitting next to Alice.

"Need anything, Homer?" Alphonse asked.

"Usual, Al," Homer replied. "So, who's you client? Rocky? That pervy teacher?"

"Um, Homer, I don't think you should antagonize her," Alphonse said, knowing very well that from the look on Alice's face, she was ready to snap at any moment.

"I know! It's that spiky-haired kid with the key. He somehow locked his key in the car and you have to help him!" Homer exclaimed, laughing.

That was when Alice lost it. She kicked Homer's stool from under him and grabbed his collar. Her dagger was positioned next to Homer's neck.

"Get this through your thick skull, you fat tub of lard," she growled through gritted teeth. "I. Do. **_NOT_**. Work. For **_TOONS!_**" Instead os slicing his throat like everyone thought she would, she stuffed a hard-boiled egg into Homer's mouth and stormed off.

"What's her problem? I was only kidding," Homer choked. spitting out the pieces of egg.

"A Toon killed her best friend," Alphonse replied. Everyone in the bar looked at him in complete skepticism.

He added, "Stabbed her with a spear."

* * *

Author's Notes:

(1) That was a reference to one of my favorite musicals. Guess what it is.

(2) Yeah, I couldn't fit Maleficent in as Maroon as I originally thought. So much for that plan...

(3) Okay, who here didn't know that this was a song? It's true. It's from the musical _Annie Get Your Gun_. If you did know, good. If you didn't, also good, because now you know.

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	3. Patty Cake Pictures

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

And to the person who suggested things for Doom, I'm afraid I can't use any of them, because I found someone that would be prefect for the role. Trust me. But I might use one of your ideas for the weasels. Thanks for that.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

Later that night, Alice made her way down a dark alleyway. When she made sure nobody was following her, she quietly tapped on what seemed to be a piece of wall. A small slot opened up, revealing a menacing eye.

"Got the password?" a voice growled.

"McGee sent me," Alice whispered back. The slot shut, and the bouncer opened the door. He was a large turtle-like creature with spike coming out of his green shell, and fiery red hair. He was Bowser.

"Nice monkey suit," she said, noting that Bowser was indeed wearing a fancy suit.

"Smart-aleck," Bowser grumbled as Alice went towards the nearby door labeled "Restaurant and Bar". She hesitated a bit, then opened the door.

What was found was similar to any other restaurant. People were seated in tables, eating food, talking, and laughing...at the two Toons battling it out with music from Beethoven playing. Alice blinked._ This_ was what people enjoyed watching in their spare time?

Out of nowhere, red ink was aimed at her apron.

Alice glared murderously at the ink sniper: a guy, around fifty, with graying hair and a mess of colors on his outfit that Alice couldn't keep track of. He was laughing his head off at his 'ingenious' prank.

"You think that's funny, don't you?" Alice growled.

"Are you kidding? It's hilarious!" he exclaimed. Alice snatched the pen from his hand and grabbed his collar.

"What do you think about having your pen up your nose, then?!" she snapped. The man raised his hands in defense.

"Hey, calm down, will ya? Look, the stain's gone!" he said, pointing at the stain. Alice looked in time to see the glaring red ink fade into nothingness.

"Disappearing ink?" she asked herself.

"Yeah, so no hard feelings, right? Look, allow me to introduce myself. I'm..." he started.

"Don't bother," Alice deadpanned. "You're Jiraiya, the writer of the Icha Icha Paradise books and owner of the prank industry of the same name."

"If it's Icha, it's a classic. Put 'er there!" he said, holding his hand out. When Alice took it, she jumped as a mild shock was the result. Jiraiya revealed a hand buzzer, laughing again.

"Hand buzzer. Still our biggest seller!" he said between laughs. Alice sighed, sitting in the table next to the industry owner. When a waiter came up to her table, she handed her menu to him.

"Brandy on the rocks," she said. He nodded, walking off. Alice remembered something, and shouted back, "And I mean ice this time!" She had gotten into this before: She would order a drink on the rocks, and they would take it a little too literally. It was then that the performance was over, with the two Toons getting dragged off the stage.

"This is too funny. Nobody gets to finish their act!" Jiraiya exclaimed.

Alice rolled her eyes as the waiter came back with her drink. She gave her thanks as he put the drink on the table. Then she noticed something odd about the drink. It happened again.

"Stupid Toons..." she grumbled, fishing the rocks out.

"Anyone want any cigars? Cigarettes? We ha- _Alice Liddell?_"

Alice turned around to see a boy with spiky blond hair, blue eyes, a white jacket over a black T-shirt, white pants, gray shoes, and multiple black and white accessories. He was holding a box of cigars and cigarettes.

"Roxas? What are you doing here?" Alice asked, smiling. Roxas was one of the few Toons she actually tolerated.

"I needed the money for rent and everything," he explained. "How are things on your end?"

"I've had better days," Alice deadpanned when Jiraiya suddenly got out of his seat. He discreetly gave a small piece of paper to a young girl with blue hair, pale eyes, gray shirt, gray pants, and blue shoes. A headband, the same as the ones Naruto and Sakura were wearing, was wrapped loosely around her neck. Alice was able to notice that.

"What's with him?" she asked, pointing at Jiraiya.

"Oh. He never misses a night when Hinata's working. Never really figured out why, though," Roxas said, shrugging.

Alice thought of something. Maybe Jiraiya is the one who's been seeing Hinata. She got up from her seat and followed them.

* * *

She avoided detection from the two until she saw that they had closed a door behind them. She ditched any thought of stealth and walked through the door, looking through the keyhole when...

"What do you think you're doing, chump?"

Alice looked up to see Bowser, looking mighty angry.

"Look who's talking, spiky," she grumbled back.

Next thing she knew, she was hurled into the trash cans outside.

"I don't ever want to see your face around here again! Got it?!" Bowser yelled, shutting the door behind him. Alice eventually regained her balance, dusting herself off in the process.

"Well, now I'm in a pickle. I wasn't able to find out what they were up to," she said, about to leave when she heard Jiraiya's voice said, "Ready?"

"N-Not tonight, Jiraiya-san. I have a h-headache."

Alice smirked. Looks like she was getting some info after all. She looked for something to use as a platform, as the window was a bit too high.

"But Hinata, you promised!" Jiraiya's voice whined.

"A-All right. J-Just take off the hand buzzer this time, okay?"

Alice had found a box to stand on. She got up and took out the camera Alphonse gave her. She took pictures through a gap in the curtains.

"Patty cake...Patty cake..."

Hinata started to laugh a bit.

After a couple of pictures, Alice realized exactly what they were doing. Her eyes widened in disbelief.

"You must be joking..."

* * *

"Patty cake? _**PATTY CAKE?!**_" Naruto yelled, shaking the blinds of Mr. Pembrook's office. "It can't be true, I tell ya!"

Pembrook gave the kid a look of sympathy, saying, "If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one whose girl played patty cake on them."

"I can't believe it! I won't!" Naruto exclaimed. Alice got up from her seat.

"As you would say, believe it. I took those pictures myself. She played patty cake," she said, showing him the pictures. When he saw them, Naruto flipped. All of them were of Hinata and Jiraiya literally playing patty cake.

"I don't _want_to believe it! My girlfriend and one of my senseis! It can't be true, Hinata's the apple of my eye! The cream in my coffee..."

"Better switch to decaf, cuz it looks like your perverted sensei's taking the cream," Alice said.

"I find that hard to believe," Pembrook said. "I've known Jiraiya for over thirty years. Whodathunk it would end up like this?"

"Someone must've made them do it," Naruto grumbled.

"Here, drink this," Alice said, finally tired of Naruto's complaining. "Hopefully it'll make you feel better, or at least pass out."

Pembrook sweatdropped as Alice got Naruto some sake. "Brutally honest, aren't you, Alice?"

Alice ignored that question and handed him the sake. Naruto downed it in one gulp. The result wasn't exactly what Alice had expected. Soon the ninja was jumping off the walls, screaming so loud that it broke anything that was made of glass, including the glass Alice was holding. Eventually he landed near Pembrook's desk.

"Thanks," he said, obviously dazed. "I needed that..." He then passed out on the floor.

Alice looked at the glass shards on the floor.

"Bloody hell..." she cursed, walking towards Pembrook. "I believe you owe me something."

"A deal's a deal," he said, handing Alice a check for fifty. Naruto started to slowly get up.

"Look, kid," Pembrook addressed Naruto. "I know it seems bad, but it'll get better. You'll find someone. Won't he, Alice?" Alice nodded.

"Someone as good looking as you?" she said, chuckling. "Girls should be breaking your door down."

Then Naruto came to life.

"What girls?" he snapped, grabbing Alice's collar. "As sappy as this may seem, Hinata's the only one for me, you'll see! We'll rise to the top again, and we'll be happy! BELIEVE IT!" he yelled, seeing himself out...through the window.

The two stood there, dumbstruck.

"Well...That went pretty well, wouldn't you say?" Alice said.

Pembrook gave her a flabbergasted look.

* * *

Meanwhile, Naruto was seriously heartbroken. He was looking at pictures of himself and Hinata.

"It can't be really true..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Alice got back to her office. She looked at the pictures of Hinata and Jiraiya. Flipping through them, she eventually found the pictures of the trip to Isle Delfino. Most of them were of Alphonse and Alice, cracking stupid smiles and pulling on each other's faces. She smiled, but the smile faded when she got to another picture. It was of Alice and a girl with red hair, blue eyes, and a pink dress with pink shoes. She was Kairi, Alice's best friend. She sighed, remembering those days.

Across the desk there were articles of the two friend's solved cases. One of the chairs in the office was covered in a thick dust. On the back, with white letters, it said, KAIRI STRIFE. Needless to say, it took a while before Sora and their two kids to recover from the tragedy.

But Alice was never able to get over the loss of her best friend.

* * *

CRASH!

Alice got up with a start. Upon seeing sunlight hit the desk, she groaned.

_I fell asleep on the desk again..._she thought, shaking her head.

"For Chrissakes, Alice. I wish you'd come to me if you wanted money that badly."

Alice looked to her right and saw a young man, about twenty, with brown hair, brown eyes, a red T-shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Goggles were perched on the top of his head. He had the pictures in his hands, shaking his head as he flipped through them.

"I don't need help from anybody, James, least of all from you," Alice shot back, taking some anti-depressant pills, because she knew James would bug her about it. She downed them with water. "I took a couple of pictures. Kill me if you're so angry at me."

"Tempting offer, but I'll have to decline," James said dryly. "I already got a stiff on my hands, thank you very much."

That caused Alice to look at him in confusion.

"What, you didn't hear?" James asked increduously. When Alice shook her head, he said, "Jiraiya. We think Naruto may have killed him."

_"What?"_

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	4. Judge Treah

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

About thirty minutes later, James and Alice parked in front of Icha Inc, where the body was found. James was driving Alice, because, well...Alice didn't own a car.

"Thanks," she said when they got out of the car. She flinched when seh saw the trees from the other side of the bridge.

"What's with you, Alice?" James said.

"It's just...It's been a while since I was last at Toontown," she replied. James gave her a sympathetic look: Pratically everyone knew about Alice's tragedy.

"C'mon. Let's go," he said, going into the factory. Alice followed, after hesitating a bit.

When they entered, a cop immediately stopped Alice's progress. James saw that and said, "Don't worry. She's with me." The cop nodded and let Alice pass.

"What makes you think Naruto did it?" Alice asked.

"See this?" he asked, showing Alice a plastic bag with a small orange fabric inside. "It matches the fabric found on the weapon that was used."

Alice put her finger on her chin in thought. Something didn't feel right. Sure, Naruto did seem pissed when he ran off, but he couldn't be a murderer. It was one of his senseis, for crying out loud!

Then someone tripped on the sheet covering the body, causing the sheet to fall off. Jiraiya was a bloody mess, and what made Alice's blood freeze was that the weapon used was a long pole.

_Speared..._

A multiple flashbacks burst in Alice's head simultaniously. She felt as if her head was going to burst.

CLUNK!

"Alice?" James asked when he saw Alice pass out. "Alice! Someone pick her up!"

_

* * *

_

Alice's eyes snapped open. She found herself on a nearby couch, not too far off from where she had seen the speared body.

"You all right?" James asked, handing Alice some water. "Sorry you had to see that." Alice was practically paralyzed.

"Oh, that's right...I have a message for you. Since you were passed out and everything," James said, clearing his throat. "I hope you're proud of yourself, and those pctures you took!" he used a high pitched voice with this message.

"Let me guess...Sakura?" Alice asked.

"Actually, Hinata. She seemed really mad. Made the front page, that picture."

Alice got up, shaking her head. She then noticed something that must've fallen from Jiraiya's body. She was about to pick it up when a red high-heeled shoe stopped her progress. Alice flinched at the pain, and looked up. The shoe belonged to an eerie woman with black hair, green eyes, a red dress shirt, a black skirt, and, you know about the shoes. Alice didn't know why, but this woman seemed to be familiar...

"Is this woman attempting to remove evidence from a crime scene?" she asked. James sweatdropped, standing to attention.

"Um, no Judge Treah. Alice was just picking it up for you. Weren't you?" he asked Alice. Judge Treah took her foot off Alice's hand.

"Give it to me, please," she said politely. Alice got up and smirked.

"All right," she said, shaking Treah's hand. Now it was Treah's turn to recoil as the mild shock went through her body. Alice released her hand to reveal the hand buzzer.

"Number one seller," she said, smirking. Treah seemed angry for a split second, and then she smirked as well.

"It would appear that working for a Toon has affected you, Miss Liddell," she said as Alice handed her the buzzer. Alice raised an eyebrow.

"Last time I checked, I was working for Pembrook," she said. Treah nodded.

"We talked to him. He told us that the ninja was angry when you showed him the pictures of his girlfriend and his sensei. Is it true that he said he and Hinata were going to be happy?" she asked. Alice glared at Treah.

"Do I look like someone who would tell someone like you something like that?" she snapped. James sweatdropped again.

"Alice, watch it! She's the new judge of Toontown!" he exclaimed.

"No need to worry, Anderson. I could tell this is depression and sake talking," Treah said, chuckling. "Either way, I have agents who will help me apprehend the ninja." As she said this, a van came zooming into the room. It was driven by a boy, about eighteen or so, with messy green hair, a black skeleton T-shirt, black jeans, and checkered shoes. Alongside him were a girl, about seventeen, with black hair, a witch's hat, a purple dress shirt, blue jeans, and black high heel boots and a boy, about nineteen, with messy red hair, a red T-shirt, black jeans, and red sneakers.

(A/N: Yeah, it's Lock, Shock, and Barrel, but I thought it would be a good idea to elevate their ages, 'cuz this_ is _a PG-13 fic.)

"Did you find the ninja?" Treah asked.

"No," Barrel said, "But we have a lot of informants. We'll find him." Treah nodded, and then turned to Alice.

"I'm sorry to ask, but have you seen Uzumaki since the incident at Mr. Pembrook's office? Do you know where he might be?" she asked.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Alice said. "Twilight Town, Hollow Bastion...I hear talk Isle Delfino's beautiful these days. My point is, I stopped affiliating myself with Toons a long time ago, and I'm not starting now."

Treah glared at Alice, saying, "Not cooperating, Miss Liddell? A Toon has murdered someone, played dirty. Don't you know the magnitude of that?! I vowed to make sure there's total respect for the law in Toontown when I was elected Judge. I will make an example of Naruto...to show those Toons what will happen if they break the law."

She grabbed a mask on one of the nearby deasks and wnet towards the van.

"How did she become Judge?" Alice asked.

"I think she bought the election. It was like one moment everything was normal, the next, she's Judge," James replied. Lock opened the back of the van, revealing a barrel labeled 'Toxic!"

"What's in the barrel?" Alice asked.

"Curious as ever, aren't you? Well, remember when I said Dip was a myth? That it was impossible to kill a Toon? Well, Treah somehow made a stronger, more potent version of Dip."

"Cooperation or not, Alice, I will find the boy. And when I do, I will try him, convict him, and execute him..." Treah said, opening the barrel and dropping the mask in. It dissolved in a matter of seconds.

"It's no longer fun and games in Toontown, Alice," Treah said. "This is how we do things now. You of all people should appreciate that."

Alice had an uneasy feeling in her stomach upon seeing the mask melt. Whether Naruto was innocent or not, he's screwed if Treah and her cronies find him!

* * *

Later, James dropped Alice off at her office. When she took the stairs, she saw Sakura standing outside her office door.

"What are you doing?" she asked, causing Sakura to turn towards her.

"I came here to tell you something. Naruto didn't kill Jiraiya. He may be a dope, but he's no murderer. I should know; he's a good friend of mine! I'm telling you, this whole thing seems suspicious. Look at this," she replied, getting a newspaper out of her bag and handing it to Alice. Sure enough, one of Alice's photos made front page.

"This article said that Jiraiya never had a will. That's a load of crap! Every Toon knows he had a will; he promised to leave Toontown to us! That will is the only reason he got murdered," Sakura continued.

"Has anybody ever really seen this will?" Alice questioned.

"Not really, but he gave us his word!" Sakura replied. Alice sighed.

"If you think that idiot can keep a promise, the joke's on you. Excuse me," she said, about to go in the door when Sakura blocked her.

"All I'm saying is, since you got Naruto in trouble, maybe you could help get him out. I can pay you," she offered. Alice pushed her way to the door.

"Better save your money for a trip to the isles," she snapped, going in.

* * *

"Why should I care, anyway?" Alice said, throwing the paper on the desk and pouring herself a drink. "It's not my fault that dope got himself in trouble. All I did was take a couple of pictures." When she sat down, she noticed something in the picture. She hastily got out a photo and her magnifying glass. She focused on the item in Jiraiya's pocket. It was a paper, and in big words, it said LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT.

"Bloody hell. Sakura was right..." she said. If Jiraiya really did have a will, then maybe that meant that Naruto was innocent...

"To hell with it," she finally said, getting up and pulled out her foldout bed. She got in and rolled to her side...only to see blue eyes staring back at her.

Wait...

Blue eyes...?

Alice screamed and pushed herself out of the bed and so did the owner of the blue eyes. The owner also had blonde hair, an orange-and-black outfit, black sandals, and a black headband. It was Naruto!

"How the bloody hell did you get in here?!" Alice snapped.

"Hey, I'm a ninja! I have my ways! I thought it would be better if I waited inside, considering I'm wanted for murder!" Naruto replied. Alice put her hand to her forehead.

"No kidding! Anyone sees me talking with you, they'll think I was an accomplice! Wait a second..." she said, pointing at Naruto. "Does anybody know you're here?"

"Nobody! Except for..."

_"Who?!"_

"Well...I didn't know where your office was, so I asked the postman, he didn't know. So I asked a florist, a hat seller, and a mechanic, they didn't know. But the bums at the Traverse Tavern...they knew," Naruto replied.

"You might as well been telling the whole bloody town that you're here!" Alice snapped, grabbing Naruto by the collar, opening the door, and trying to push him out.

"Alice, stop! You've got the wrong guy!" Naruto pleaded as Alice tried in vain to push him out. So she tried pulling him out. But he kept his grip on the frame of the door.

"I didn't kill anyone, I swear! I've been framed, I tell you! I'd never hurt a fly without a good reason! My entire purpose in life...is to become...HOKAGE!" Naruto continued, when Alice lost her footing, causing Naruto to land on the bed.

"Okay, okay! I admit it; I got pissed when you showed me those pictures of Hinata. So I went to the..." Naruto started when Alice tried to grab him again, but failed, falling again. "...restaurant she works at, but she wasn't there. So I wrote her a love letter!"

"Hold it," Alice said, getting up. "Are you telling me...that in a fit of jealousy, you wrote your girlfriend a _love letter_?"

"Yep!" Naruto said, nodding. "I noticed she was an innocent victim of circumstance."

"Let me guess: You used the old lipstick on the mirror routine?" Alice asked.

"You're half-right. I found a nice clean piece of paper," Naruto replied, getting out a piece of paper. As he started to read it, Alice interrupted, "Why didn't you leave it there?"

"I wanted to see the look on Hinata's face when she read it, so I went home to wait for her. But Treah's cronies were there waiting for me...so I ran," Naruto answered. Alice gave him a flabbergasted look.

"So why come to me? I'm the one who took the pictures in the first place!" she exclaimed. Naruto looked through the articles scattered on the desk.

"Yeah, and you're also the one who helped all these Toons out!" Naruto replied. "Kakashi-sensei once told me that when a Toon's in trouble, there's only one place to go: Liddell & Strife."

"Not anymore," Alice deadpanned when she saw that Naruto was about to sit on the dusty chair. "GET OUT OF THAT CHAIR!" she yelled. Naruto froze.

"That's my friend's chair," she said quietly.

"Yeah, I noticed. Where is she, anyway? She looks like a healthy and sensitive girl. Now that I look at it, you look a lot skinnier now than in this photo..." Naruto said.

"That does it," Alice snapped. "I'm calling the cops."

Naruto looked mad at this. "Fine!" he snapped. "Call them! I look to you for help and what do you do? You turm me in! Don't feel sorry for me! Thanks for nothing!" He closed the door in front of him, causing some papers to fall.

"That's the closet! That dope..." Alice snapped, going up to the closet. She opened it, looking into the closet. She saw no ninja. When she was about to close the door, she heard Naruto say, "Alice Liddell, you're under arrest!" She looked back and saw a handcuff on her wrist and a laughing ninja. She pulled Naruto out of the closet (the other cuff was on Naruto's wrist) and he landed on the bed.

"You dope! Did it ever occur to you that I have no keys for these cuffs?!" she snapped. Naruto had a sly look on is face until he heard sirens. His face paled as he ran to the window, dragging Alice with him. Sure enough, he saw a black van pulling in front of the building. Lock, Shock, and Barrel ran out of the van.

"Treah's cronies!" Naruto exclaimed, trying desperately to hide under the bed, but it folded back. Next he tried a drawer. "You never saw me," he said.

"GET OUT OF THERE!" Alice yelled. Naruto did so, giving Alice a look much akin to a wounded rabbit.

"Please help me out here, Alice. You're my only hope!" he pleaded, close to tears. Alice raised an eyebrow.

_He's really scared, isn't he?_ she thought.

"Open up in the name of the law!" Barrel's voice demanded in front of the door.

"C'mon, Alice! Without you, there's no justice for Toons anymore! If they catch me, I'm as good as Dipped!" Naruto pleaded.

"C'mon, Liddell. We just want the ninja!" Lock's vocie exclaimed.

"What're we gonna do, Alice?" Naruto asked. Alice turned to him, raising an eyebrow.

"What do you mean, 'we'? They only want the ninja," she said.

Then the three cronies burst in the door.

"Did they give us the slip?" Shock asked.

"Couldn't have. Liddell had to have stashed him," Lock said, looking around. Seeing something blue, he shouted, "HOLD IT!"

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	5. Hinata's Side of the Story

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

Alice was in front of the sink, doing laundry. She turned towards Lock.

"Oh, hello. I didn't hear you come in," she said, smiling. Lock came up to her.

"Okay, cut the crap. Where's the ninja?" he asked.

"I haven't seen him," she lied. Lock eyed the laundry basket.

"What's in there?" he asked. Alice pulled out a bra.

"Take a guess," she deadpanned, causing Lock's face to turn bright red.

"Let's get out of here," he said to Shock and Barrel. When Lock turned away from Alice, Naruto poked his head out of the sink, taking a quick breath. Alice was able to push him back in when Lock was about to turn back towards her. Lock smirked.

"On second thought...Search the place!" he said to Shock and Barrel. Lock walked towards Alice again. "Listen, Liddell. We got a good tipoff that the ninja was here. You know you can't bullshit a bullshitter." Alice turned towards Lock.

"Keep talking like that and someone's going to have to wash your mouth off," she said, sticking a bar of soap into Lock's mouth. He fell back from surprise as Naruto took another breather. Lock and Barrel laughed upon seeing their companion's misfortune. Lock spit the soap out and glared at them.

"Stop laughing!" he snapped, pummeling the other two. "You know what happens when you can't stop laughing?! One of these days we're gonna die from laughing!" He came back up to Alice.

"As for you, Liddell...Step one toe out of line, and we'll hang you _and _your laundry out to dry," he taunted, splashing the water. "C'mon, let's go."

Alice waited until she was sure they were long gone, and then pulled Naruto out of the sink. "They're gone," she said. Naruto grinned at her.

"Thanks, Alice! You saved my life back there! How can I ever repay ya?!" he exclaimed, giving her a huge bear hug. Alice struggled until she could pry Naruto off.

"You can start by _never_ hugging me again!" she snapped.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Naruto asked.

"We really should get out of these cuffs before we do anything," Alice replied, holding up her hand with the cuff.

"But I thought you said..."

"I know what I said. But you know there's more than one way to skin a cat, don't you?" she asked, smirking. "But you have to blend in."

* * *

Alice entered the bar, wearing a huge gray trenchcoat over her normal attire. She felt struggling under said coat.

"Naruto, stop it," she snapped.

"You know, when you told me I was gonna have to blend in, this wasn't what I had in mind," Naruto grumbled. "Why can't I use my Transformation Jutsu again?"

"Because, Treah has eyes everywhere. About half of them are ninjas, so they'll know it's you, no matter what disguise you put up. Besides, who else would be attatched to an insane girl with a handcuff?" she replied, trying to get Alphonse's attention.

"Alphonse? ALPHONSE!" she yelled. Alphonse looked up. This time he was dressed in a black shirt with white details, black pants, and black boots.

"Hey, Alice! I heard you made the front page today!" Lenny exclaimed.

"Yes, I suppose I made some ink," Alice replied. Naruto got part of his head free. Alice pushed him back down as Alphonse came up to her. Naruto became a bulge on Alice's back.

"Wow, Alice. Halloween's over, so what's with the Quasimodo getup? Or is that a ninja on your back?" he asked.

"Please cut the comedy, Alphonse. Today has not been my day. I gotta get out of these cuffs," Alice snapped, to which Alphonse rolled his eyes. He turned a statue around, opening a secret room. When they entered, and when the door was shut, Naruto came out of the coat, coughing.

"Geez, Alice! That nearly killed me!" he exclaimed.

"What is this place, anyway?" Alice said, looking around. She's come to this bar for about five years, and she never found out about this! Curiouser and curiouser...

"It used to be a rough gut room, but now it's something of a panic room," Alphonse replied, getting a toolbox. Naruto noticed peepholes on the wall and ran towards them, dragging Alice with him and nearly knocking over Alphonse.

"Cool! This is a great place to hide!" he exclaimed, looking out. Alice got up, dusting herself off with her free hand.

"Crazy Toon..." she grumbled as Alphonse handed her a saw.

"Yeah, I was wondering about that. I thought you said you'd never take another Toon case ever again, Alice! What did you do, have a change of heart?!" he asked skeptically.

"Nothing's changed, Alphonse!" Alice snapped. "Somebody's making a monkey out of me and I'm going to find out who and why!" She sat down and started sawing the handcuff.

"Hold still, Naruto!" she snapped when she saw Naruto fidgeting. He nodded and slipped his hand out of the handcuff. Alphonse started to snicker.

"Does this help?" he asked.

"Yes. Thank..." Alice started when she realized what Naruto did. She put the saw down and Naruto slipped his hand back in the cuff, sweatdropping. Alice glared murderously at him.

"Do you mean to tell me that you could have taken your hand out of the bloody cuff at any given time?!" she snapped.

"Actually, not at any time," Naruto said. "Only when it was funny." The ninja slipped his hand out as Alice let out an exasperated groan. Naruto sat on the nearby swivel chair.

"C'mon, Alice! Don't you have a sense of humor?" he asked, spinning himself around. Alphonse started to laugh.

"Is he always this funny, or only on days when he's wanted for murder?" he asked. Alice redirected her glare to Alphonse. "You're not helping," she growled.

Naruto stopped spinning, saying, "One of my philosophies is this; If you don't have a good sense of humor, you're better off dead."

"You may very well get your wish unless I find out what happened to this!" Alice snapped, handing a photo to Alphonse.

"What is it? It's just another one of your pictures," he asked.

"Look closely, Alphonse," She said. Naruto took a look at it and saw what was in Jiraiya's pocket.

"Jiraiya's will!" he exclaimed. Alice nodded, starting to saw through the cuff again.

"I believe that Pembrook played the part of sound mind and your girlfriend and sensei the sound body," she said.

"I resent that!" Naruto exclaimed, waving a hammer at her. Alphonse took the hammer from his hand.

"What do you mean by that? You think Hinata and Pembrook...?" he asked.

"Pembrook's my prime suspect at the moment. I'm not so sure about Hinata. Anyway, I don't think whoever killed Jiraiya got to the will," Alice replied.

"What makes you say that?"

"Because they're still looking for the bloody will, even after they killed him."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"Actually, my dear Alphonse, there is. You could go and check the probate." Naruto nodded vigorously.

"Good idea," he said. "Someone from Konoha had a problem with his probate, and he has to take these large pills and drink lots of water." Alice slowly looked up at Naruto.

"Not _prostate_, you dope, _probate_!" she snapped.

"Okay, let me see if I got this..." Naruto started. "You honestly think that Edward Pembrook, my boss, ran Jiraiya through with a spear, so he could get his hands on Toontown?!"

"Yes," Alice said as the handcuff finally snapped off. "That's what I'm thinking. Do you suppose he could stay here for a couple of days?" She directed the question at Alphonse.

"He's not gonna do anything stupid, is he?" Alphonse asked. Naruto had resumed spinning around on the swivel chair. Alice got up and went to see herself out.

"And where are you going?" Alphonse asked.

"To the office," Alice replied.

* * *

When she came into the office, Alice saw not only Hinata, but Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi.

"A-Ano...L-Liddell-san, y-you've got the wr-wrong idea a-about me," Hinata said.

"Hinata's right, she's as much of a pawn in this as Naruto is. If you know, can you tell us where he is?" Sakura asked.

"We're willing to pay, of course," Kakashi added.

"I'm sure. His teammates and girlfriend need him to make this scam work," Alice snapped.

"You're wrong. I may hate Naruto, but I do respect him more than you think I do," Sasuke pointed out. Sakura started to gush a bit, causing Alice to raise an eyebrow.

"But aren't you the one I caught playing patty-cake with Jiraiya?" she asked Hinata.

"That's what we're trying to say. You didn't catch her," Kakashi deadpanned.

"You were set up, Alice," Sakura added. That surprised Alice, to say the least.

"What do you mean, 'set up'?" she asked.

"Pembrook-san wanted to blackmail Jiraiya. I-I didn't want any p-part of it, but Pembrook-san said that if we d-didn't pose for those p-p-patty-cake pictures, Naruto-kun would n-never work in this town again," Hinata said, close to tears.

"As you can see, Alice, Hinata would do anything for her boyfriend," Kakashi said.

"Pretty faithful," Alice commented.

"We're desperate here, Alice!" Sakura exclaimed.

"We need your help to find Naruto," Sasuke added.

A cough was heard on the doorway. Everyone turned to see Alphonse, and he didn't seem too happy.

"Did I interrupt something?" he asked. Alice noticed that a certain perv had gotten a little too close for comfort and inched away. Her face had turned red in embarassment.

"Nice, sensei," Sasuke snapped.

"Well, erm...Anyway Alice, our offer still stands. Think about it," Kakashi said, sweatdropping. The ninjas left. Alphonse made sure they were long gone, and then snapped, "Would you mind telling me why that perv was so close to you?!" Alice raised an eyebrow. Was Alphonse jealous?

"He was probably looking for a good place to stick a kunai!" she replied. Alphonse rolled his eyes and started to leave, Alice following.

"Alphonse, will you listen?! One, I didn't even notice he was that close until you came in. And two, all they wanted was to get their hands on Naruto!" Alice snapped as they got outside the building. What neither of them knew was that the ninja group was in a nearby car, listening in.

"Doesn't look like that was all that perv wanted," Alphonse grumbled.

"Listen, Alphonse," Alice said. "Here's what you can do next; I want you to go out, and buy yourself a new swimsuit, because we're going to Isle Delfino. I'm on the verge of wrapping up this case!"

"No, Alice, you're not," Alphonse replied. "That's why I came to your office, to tell you what I found out on probate. Mr. Pembrook doesn't want Toontown like you thought. It's Heart Industries! They put up the highest bid, so if Jiraiya's will doesn't show up my midnight, Heart Industries is going to own Toontown!"

That shocked Alice even more. She was wrong about Pembrook?

"What, midnight _tonight_?" she asked. Alphonse nodded.

"First they get the buses, and now they want Toontown?" Alice asked herself. After a pause, she said, "Curiouser and curiouser..."

Alphonse heard something coming from the bar and sushed Alice.

"You hear that?" he asked. Alice's eyes widened upon realizing what it is.

"Naruto!" she exclaimed as the two ran to the bar. In a nearby van, Lock, Shock, and Barrel snickered.

"We found him!" Shock exclaimed. "Get the judge."

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.

And Happy New Year!


	6. Fun with Naruto and Double Dash Mayhem

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

Alice and Alphonse came into the bar to see everyone laughing and cheering. And in the middle of it all was a certain orange-clad ninja, who was singing and dancing to a wacky song played on record. Alice's eye started to twitch. Alphonse, however, thought it was amusing.

Naruto:** _Oh...Naruto's my name,_**

_**and justu is my game!**_

_**Come on cowpoke,**_

_**It's just a joke!**_

_**Don't sit there on your brain!**_

"Nice shirt," Naruto said to Lenny. "Who's your tailer? Rock Lee?" Everyone (Except for Alice, of course) broke into laughter. Hell, even Alphonse started to laugh. Naruto, seeing Alice, danced right towards her and pointed at her.

Naruto:_ **My buddy is Ali.**_

_**A sourpuss, you see.**_

_**But when I'm done**_

_**She'll need no gun.**_

**'_Cause a joker she will be!_**

_**C, D, E, F, G, H, I...**_

Alice twitched at the nickname as Naruto continued to bounce around the bar.

Naruto: _**I...love to raise some cain.**_

_**Believe me, it's no strain.**_

**_It feels_ _so great_**

_**To smash a plate.**_

**_And look, there is no pain!_**

To prove his point, Naruto smashed a plate on his head. And did it again...and again...and again...Because the record was broken at that particular point. Alphonse's grin wiped away.

"Hey, Naruto!" he yelled. "Alice, a little help?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Alice growled, grabbing Naruto by the throat and dragging him off. The entire bar was still laughing.

In the panic room, Alice tossed Naruto towards the wall, making him bump his head.

"That hurt!" he complained.

"Perhaps that should knock some sense into you!" Alice snapped. "I'm out there risking life and limb for you, and what are you doing?! _Singing and dancing!"_

"But I'm a Toon, remember? Toons are supposed to make people laugh," Naruto protested.

"SIT DOWN!" Alice roared. Naruto did so on the bed.

"You don't understand, Alice! Those guys needed to laugh!" Naruto continued.

"They needed to laugh, all right. And then they'll call the cops! That idiot Lenny could sell you out for one munny!" Alice snapped.

"Lenny wouldn't do that!"

"Why?! Because you made him laugh?! I highly doubt that."

"That's because you don't know how powerful laughter is. In fact, at some points in life, it's the only weapon we have. Laughter..." Alice sushed him when they saw a blinking red light.

Outside...

Alphonse was frantically pressing a button hideen underneath the bar. And for a good reason, too. As four certain someones entered the bar, Alice stiffened as she looked through the peepholes.

"I'm looking for a murderer," Treah said. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. The only ones smiling were Lock, Shock, and Barrel.

"A ninja," Treah continued. "About this tall...and blond," she said, pushing on Homer's head as she described Naruto's height.

"Look," Alphonse snapped. "We haven't seen any ninjas here. So stop harassing the customers." Treah turned towards him and smirked.

"I didn't come here to harass, my dear boy, I came here to reward," she said, erasing the specials munu and wrote something else, purposely making the chalk squeak. Everyone cringed at the sound, inclusing Naruto and Alice. What Treah had written was 'NINJA DIP: 5000 MUNNY'.

Lenny whistled in amazement, saying, "Yeah, I've seen a ninja."

Inside, Naruto gulped. Alice asked, "What did I tell you?"

Treah smirked. "Where?" she asked. Her search has come to an end!

"He's right here in the bar," Lenny said, draping his arm around the air in the stool next to him. He smirked, saying, "Say hello...Aoi."

Everyone (except for Alphonse and Treah) laughed hysterically at Lenny's joke. Inside the panic room, Naruto let out a sigh of relief as Alice raised an eyebrow.

"I told ya so!" he said in sing-song.

Then Treah noticed the record player. She took the record and examined it.

"Merry-Go-Round Broke Down...What an unusual selection for a group of degenerate bums," she said. Alphonse sweatdropped.

"It was a request," he immediately lied. Everyone nodded in agreement, hoping not to get Naruto in trouble. Treah's eyes narrowed, and then she closed her eyes, as if concentrating on something. Her eyes then snapped open.

"He's here!" she exclaimed, throwing the record aside. It ended up landing in Barrel's mouth, causing Lock and Shock to laugh.

"Stop that laughing!" Treah snapped, kicking her two cronies in the shin. "You remember what happened to your stupid cousins?! One of these days, your schadenfreude is going to get you killed!"

"Want us to search the place?" Lock asked when the three immediately straightened up.

"That will not be necessary, Lock," Treah said, smirking. "The ninja will come straight to me." Using her cane, she started to knock on the tables. Alice scoffed. How can anyone lure someone using _that?_

"No Toon, however hard they try, can resist the old 'shave-and-a-haircut' gambit," Treah explained to the crowd, knocking the tune again. Alice scoffed again.

"I have no idea who's loonier; you or Treah," Alice said, turning around. She saw Naruto shaking, legs crossed as if he really had to go to the bathroom.

"Naruto, don't you dare!" Alice snapped. Now Treah was on the other side of the wall.

"Shave...and a haircut..." Treah sang along to the tune.

**_BAM!!_**

"TWO BITS!" Naruto yelled at the top of his lungs after he burst through the brick wall. Alice groaned as Treah grabbed him by the neck.

"Want us to deal with the wallflower?" Barrel asked, gun aimed at Alice, who had her hands up.

"I'll deal with her personally," Treah said almost carelessly. "Right now I feel like delivering justice. Bring in the Dip." The three cronies ran to get the vat of Dip. When it was delivered, Naruto screamed.

"Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?" Treah asked.

"Yeah! Did it ever occur to you that I was fr-" Naruto was cut off by Treah tightening her grip on Naruto's throat. Nobody noticed that Alice had sneaked her way towards Alphonse and whispered something in his ear.

"Now?! Fine time for that, Alice! Do you want some chocolate-covered pretzels to go with that?" Alphonse exclaimed.

"Just pour the drink and trust me," Alice snapped back. Alphonse rolled his eyes and poured Alice the drink she had requested. When she got it, she yelled, "Oi, Treah! Doesn't a dying man deserve a final request?" Naruto nodded enthusiastically.

"Nose plugs would be nice!" he exclaimed.

"I was thinking something among the lines of a drink. How about it, Treah?" Alice said. Treah seemed to consider this.

"Why not?" she said, loosening her grip on Naruto. "What's another five minutes?"

"Happy trails," Alice said, handing the drink to Naruto.

"No thanks, Alice," Naruto said. "I'm trying to cut down."

"Drink the drink, Naruto!"

"But I don't want the drink!"

"He doesn't want it!" Treah exclaimed, tired of waiting.

"Rest assured, he does," Alice said.

"No, I don't!" Naruto snapped.

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

Everyone looked on as Alice and Naruto continued arguing. Then Alice flipped the tables.

"You don't!" she said.

"I do!" Naruto exclaimed.

"You don't!"

"I do!"

"You _don't!_" Naruto grabbed the glass from Alice's hand.

"Listen Alice, when I say I do, that means I do!" he snapped, chugging down the drink. Alice back away and ducked. As an afterthought, she grabbed Alphonse's arm and dragged him down with her.

"What was that about?" Alphonse asked.

"You'll see in about...3...2...1," Alice said, counting down. Then Naruto started to bounce around the room again, much like what happened in Pembrook's office. The noise that resulted shattered nearly every glass in the bar, much to the dismay of the drunkards.

When that fiasco ended, Naruto nearly made a nose dive into the Dip, but Alice caught him in time.

"Gotcha!" she exclaimed. She then tipped the vat of Dip over in an effort to slow down Treah and her cronies. Then they made a run for it.

"Good thinking, Alice!" Naruto exclaimed when they got outside. "I never would have thought of anything like that!"

"Naruto!" Alice exclaimed, grabbing Naruto and dragging him into Treah's van. "Let's use this!"

"What are we waiting for?! Drive!" Naruto exclaimed.

"There's no key!" Alice exclaimed.

"Hey, you kids! Let us out of here! We're innocent, I tell you!" the two heard an Italian accented voice exclaimed. Naruto poked his head into the the small window.

"Mario? Luigi? Is that you??" he asked.

"No, it's Vin Deisel and Shirley Temple! Get us outta here, Naruto!" another Italian voice snapped. Naruto squeezed into the small window, causing the letter to fall out of Naruto's pocket. Alice put it into her own pocket and Naruto exclaimed, "Hey, Alice! I got us a ride! Open the door!" Alice got out and opened the large doors in the back. When she did, two karts burst out. On the driver's seat on one was a plumber with brown hair, blue eyes, a mustache, a red long sleeved shirt, blue overalls, brown shoes, and a red had with an M logo. On the other kart was another plumber with brown hair, blue eyes, and a mustache, but his outfit was green where the other's was red. Also, on his cap was an L logo.

"Finally!" the first plumber, obviously Mario, exclaimed, streching his arms. "I still can't believe they arrested us for having a race!"

"C'mon, Alice, hop on!" Naruto said, standing behind Mario. Alice did so, standing behind Luigi on a platform.

"It was only a couple of miles..." Luigi added, shrugging.

"No time for that, let's go!" Naruto exclaimed. The two brothers started to drive as Lock, Shock, and Barrel came out of the tavern.

"They broke out the plumbers!" Lock exclaimed, pointing at where he saw Alice.

After a couple minutes of frantic driving, Naruto heard a gunshot. He turned back, saying, "Guys, I think we're in trouble!" Lock, Shock, and Barrel were chasing them! Scratch that, they were gaining!

"Can't these things go any faster?!" Alice exlciamed.

"Guys, look out for the tram!" Naruto exclaimed, pointing at what lied ahead. The tram was crossing! Alice and Naruto screamed as Mario and Luigi made a sharp U-turn. When Treah's cronies made the U-turn, their heads only collided with each other.

Soon our heroes were followed by policemen on motorcycles.

"Guys, the cops are right behind us!" Naruto exclaimed.

"Not for long, Naruto!" Luigi said as they put the karts in reverse and drove down an alleyway.

"Now they're right in front of us!" Luigi excaimed, grinning. Everyone groaned.

"You're not helping, with your driving or your jokes! Give me the wheel!" Alice snapped as she and Luigi switched positions. Alice turned the wheel too fast, causing a major spinout. When they finally were moving forward, they saw the policemen were still behind them.

"Alice, they're still on our tail!" Naruto exclaimed.

"I know they're still following us! What do I look like, a..." Alice started when she saw Treah's cronies driving straight towards them! The two screamed.

"Quick, Alice! Pull that lever!" Luigi exclaimed.

"Which one?!" Alice exclaimed, seeing there were three levers to her left and two to her right.

"The blue one to your left!"

Alice pulled the lever. Then, just as the karts were about to make an impact with Treah's van, they suddenly jumped over the van. I wish I could say the same for the motorcycles. Nobody was really hurt, but the vehicles were damaged beyond repair.

"We finally got rid of them!" Naruto exclaimed as Alice and Luigi switched back.

"Hey, guys, what do you call the middle of a song?" Alice asked, looking ahead.

"I don't know, a BRIDGE!" Naruto exclaimed in fear. The levers were pulled again, and they jumped on to the bridge, startling a few drivers.

"So where can we take you?" Mario asked, grinning.

"Somewhere we can hide, please," Alice said.

"We know a good place. And if you ever need a lift, just stick out your thumb!" Luigi said as they drove off.

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	7. Kairi's Story and Pembrook's Tale

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

The place Mario and Luigi mentioned would be good was a nearby movie theater. Alice and Naruto were seated in the top rows, so nobody would see them. And what was showing, you ask? Well... _Rabbit of Seville._ Bugs had just set Elmer on the barber's chair.

Bugs: _**How about a nice close shave,**_

**_Teach your whiskers to behave,_**

**_Lotsa lather lotsa soap_**

**_Please hold still don't be a dope_**

**_Now we're ready for the scraping_**

**_There's no use to try escaping_**

**_Yell and scream and rant and rave,_**

**_It's no use, you need a shaaaave!_**

_Bugs proceeds to 'shave' Elmer. He yelps in pain._

**_There...you're nice and cleeeean..._**

**_Although your face looks like it might have gone through a machine._**

Everyone in the theater laughed hysterically at that. Except for Alice, of course. Even Naruto, who was seated a few rows in front of Alice, was laughing his head off.

"Did you see that?!" Naruto asked Alice. "Nobody does it better than Bugs Bunny! What a genius!"

Alice groaned, and then grabbed Naruto by the throat and dragging him back to her row.

"What's wrong with you? I thought we were hiding!" she snapped.

"Me?! What's wrong with _you_? You're the only one in here that isn't laughing. I mean, all you react to anything is a raised eyebrow, a groan, or a sigh!" To prove his point, he used his famous Sexy Jutsu. Any guy seeing that would have an instant nosebleed, and nearly every girl who saw that would rant and rave about it putting down women, but Alice simply rose an eyebrow. When Naruto turned back, he said, "See? Nothing! What happened to make you act like that?!"

"You really want to know?" Alice asked, causing Naruto to nod. "Alright..." She hesitated before she said, "A Toon killed my best friend."

"A Toon?! No way!" Naruto exclaimed, eyes widened.

"Yes, a Toon," Alice said, thinking of where to start. "Back in those days, you're right. Kairi and I loved working in Toontown, we thought it was a lot of laughs. Anyway...We were investigating a robbery in the First National Bank of Toontown. Whoever it was got away with a million munny. We tracked her down to Gingerbread Lane. Only...she was expecting us. When Kairi turned the corner, she was stabbed in the stomach with a spear. I was rooted to the spot at the sight. Blood was flowing...everywhere. I passed out, but not before I heard the robber saying that she would let me 'live in my sorrow'. I woke up at a hospital. When I found out that Kairi never made it...I guess you could say I lost it." She held up her wrists, which bore fading scars. "I was held in an asylum until about a year ago. Unfortunately, they never found the murderer. All I remember about her was her bone-chilling voice...And those strange green eyes."

Naruto was near tears. How could he not, when a fellow Toon was responsible for a friend's sorrow and mental scarring?

"No wonder you hate me! If a Toon killed my best friend, I'd hate me too!" he cried. Alice rolled her eyes.

"I don't hate you," she said.

"Yes, you do! Why else would you have called me a dope all those times?!"

"If it makes you feel any better...I'm sorry I called you a dope."

"All the times you called me a dope?" Naruto asked hopefully. Alice nodded, causing Naruto to grin.

"Apology accepted! I feel better now, and - OH BOY! I hope it's another cartoon!" He exclaimed, bounding a few rows ahead. However, he started to gripe when he saw that it was the news.

Alice looked at the entrance and saw Alphonse coming in and sitting next to her.

"Hello, Alphonse. Did you pack my stuff?" she asked. Alphonse nodded.

"Everything's packed in the car. I would've gotten here sooner, but I had to shake off Treah's cronies," he replied. Alice turned towards him.

"Sorry for the mess in the bar. How did Moe take it?" she asked.

"He fired me. Something about nearly every glass being shattered," he replied. Alice winced.

"Sorry for that," she said.

"Don't apologize. It was to help Naruto. Besides, I've been meaning to quit anyway. I realized I wanted to do something else with my life," he replied, shrugging.

"If you want to do that, the first thing you should do is find yourself a nice girl," Alice pointed out. Alphonse turned towards her, smiling.

"I think I already have..." he trailed off, blushing. Alice blushed too as they unconsciously began to lean in...

"Awww..."

The two torned to see Naruto, who was smirking.

"Go on, you two lovebirds. I don't mind," he said, snickering. Alphonse sighed and stood up.

"Come on, Alice. We better get going," he said, a bit disappointed. He always harbored a small crush on Alice. Why and how, he'll probably never know, but he had no complaints. And judging from Alice's facial expression - a twinge of disappointment in her carefully constructed facade...

_Call me naive, but I think those two like each other! Gotta remember to attempt setting those two up... _Naruto thought, observing the two.

"At least Kairi's not here to see me run like this," Alice said, getting up. Naruto shrugged.

"It's actually not that bad, one you're used to it," he said, getting up and leaving the theater. Alice sighed as the movie speakers blared, "...And here we see Edward Pembrook sealing a deal with Heart Industries, selling his studio..." Alice's eyes widened when she heard that.

"That's it!" she exclaimed. "That's the connection!" She ran towards Alphonse and Naruto to tell them what she discovered.

* * *

Later that night, Alice parked in front of the Dark Raven studios. She parked carefully, as said car was a rental.

"Just forget it, Alice. He's not in," Naruto said, getting out. Alice rose an eyebrow.

"Is that it or are you scared?" she asked. Naruto scoffed.

"Me, scared? Pshaw!" he exclaimed. When he saw Alice looking at him with a face that said, "I'm never going to believe that," he continued, "When you called Pembrook, you said you had the will. But you don't! He's gonna kill you if he finds out!"

"It's not me you should be worrying about if a fight rises up," Alice pointed out. "You just don't want the odds to change." She took the nearby stairs up, asking, "See or hear anything, you beep the horn twice. Understand?"

Naruto nodded enthusiastically as Alice disappeared into the door. "Gotcha! Cover your back! Uzumaki Naruto is on the job! Believe it! Nobody's gonna get the drop on this ninja!" he exclaimed, putting up a fighting pose. That was when someone pressed a pressure point on the back of Naruto's neck. He was out cold.

Inside, Pembrook looked out the window nervously. If what Alice said was true, she had the will! He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice Alice sneaking up behind him. Until, that is, she tapped him on the shoulder.

"What's up, doc?" she asked.

"Alice, what the hell are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?!" he exclaimed.

"If I recall correctly, you need a heart before you can have an attack," Alice replied. Pembrook sighed.

"Yeah, yeah. You got the will, right?" he asked.

"Yes, I do. The question is, do you have the way? It's not going to be cheap."

"You have some nerve coming up here by yourself, Alice."

"Whoever said I was alone?"

Outside, Naruto was stuffed into a car trunk. Hinata gulped.

"S-Sorry, Naruto-kun. It's f-for your own good," she said, looking up at the window.

Inside...

"I want to see the will," Pembrook said, pointing a gun at Alice. He wanted proof that what she said was true.

"I told you, I have it," she said.

"I want to see it now!" he snapped, grabbing a paper from Alice's apron pocket. When he read the words, his stomach dropped. Alice reacher for the spritzer behind her.

"You tell me you have the will and you give me a ninja's_ love letter_? Is this some sick joke?!" he snapped, stuffing the letter back into the pocket.

"No, I believe this is," Alice said, squirting Pembrook. He was so surprised he fell out of his wheelchair. Alice grabbed him by the collar and pointed her blade at his throat.

"What're you going to do?" he asked frantically.

"It's quite simple," Alice said. "I'm going to listen to you spill everything about Hearts Industries. And any part I don't like...Well, you know I'm not above hurting a disabled person."

"Alice, I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!" he yelled in fear.

"One thing I know about people; Everyone's got to have a hobby!" she snapped, stuffing Pembrook's tie into an editing machine. As Pembrook started to choke, he said, "All right! I had the chance to sell my studio, but Heart Industries wouldn't let me sell until Jiraiya sold them Icha. The perverted bastard wouldn't sell, so I only wanted to blackmail him with those pictures you took. Blackmail, that's all! Believe me, Alice, I've been around Toons nearly all of my life! I never wanted to see them destroyed!" He was near tears at this.

Alice raised an eyebrow. "Toons destroyed? How and why?"

"If I tell I'm dead," Pembrook whimpered. Alice turned on the machine again.

"You're dead if you don't tell," she growled. She then noticed something in the mirror...

"Unless Jiraiya's will shows by midnight, Toontown will..." Pembrook was cut short by two gunshots that Alice barely dodged. She took cover under the desk until the gunshots stopped. She looked at Pembrook. He was dead, with two bullet wounds on his back. She looked out the window to see a figure that looked like Hinata get into a blue car. Then a thought hit Alice.

If Naruto was on watch, how did the assassin...?

Alice ran outside to see that Naruto was missing.

"NARUTO!" she yelled in frustration as she got into the car and chased after the blue car. Eventually, the chase led her to the tunnel leading to a place she hadn't been in a while. She hesitated. Could she really go after all these years? What about Kairi's killer?

Upon remembering Kairi, she made her decision. She was definitely going to go. She got out a suitcase and opened it. Inside was her various weapons. Her 'Deadly Toys', she and Kairi used to joke. She smirked, then went out of the car and got out a bottle of beer. Before she could down it, she thought about Kairi again. What would her late friend say if she saw Alice in a drunken state? Again resolved, she poured the alcohol out and threw the empty bottle into the air. She threw a card at it and the glass was shattered.

_It's nice to know I still got it_, she thought as she got back into the car and started to drive to a town she hasn't been in in five years...

* * *

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	8. Return to ToonTown

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

Alice gulped. Knowing how Treah works, she was concerned about ToonTown's prosperity. She always knew the town to be happy and carefree. She tightened the grip on the wheel as she exited the tunnel to see...

**_Smile, darn ya smile!  
You know that your world  
is a great world after all..._**

_ToonTown has not changed one bloody bit,_ Alice thought, smiling fondly at the happy scenery. She thought about all the good times she had with Kairi and the others in her group.

**_Smile, Darn ya smile,  
And right away  
Watch Lady Luck  
Pay you a call  
Things are never black  
As they are painted..._**

She was so engrossed in her memories that she almost got squashed by the airbag when she crashed into a fire hydrant.

_Dammit. That was a rental..._Alice thought, getting out and looking inside, inspecting any damage. When she saw that it was no major injury, she sighed. She then caught sight of a silhouetted Hinata in the top floor of a hotel.

"There you are," Alice growled, going inside.

Inside the hotel, Alice pushed the button calling the elevator. After a few seconds, the elevator shot down, nearly causing Alice to stumble. Remember, things are taken rather literally here.

Anyway, the elevator door opened to reveal a fat orange cat with black stripes. He was Garfield.

"Where to?" he asked lazily.

"Top floor," Alice replied, stepping into the elevator...and falling on her face in the process. There was a steep step.

"I guess I should've told you about the step," Garfield said, snickering.

"You really should have," Alice grumbled. Garfield closed the door.

"Hold on," he said, pulling the lever. Alice was suddenly squashed by the force of the elevator going up. Seconds later, she was thrown up to the ceiling by the force of the elevator stopping.

"Your floor," Garfield said, getting a giant spatula and prying Alice off the ceiling. She fell on the floor outside the elevator.

"Nauseated? Big, fat, hairy deal! Have a good day," Garfield said as the elevator doors closed and he went down. Alice groaned.

_Next time, I take the stairs, _she thought as she peered into a keyhole. Sure enough, she saw Hinata's silhouette.

"Gotcha," Alice said, opening the door. Inside, there was no blue-haired ninja, but a demon who looked like said ninja. Alice closed the door before said demon could get to her. She ran into the girls bathroom as the demon burst out of the bedroom door.

"Where are you, human?" the demon said tauntingly.

Alice breathed a sigh of relief when she felt something strange about the room...There was a breeze coming from beneath her. She looked down and saw that there was no floor. Scratch that, there was no room in general! Alice screamed as she started to fall.

_Could today get any worse?! _Alice thought as she plummeted to the ground.

"Hellooo, Nurse! Jumping without a parachute, eh? You know that's dangerous?"

_Apparently so, _Alice thought as she looked to her left. She saw a certain older Warner Brother with a brown parachute backpack.

"Yeah, you could get killed!" his companion pointed out. He was a green frog with the same parachute backpack.

"Do any of you have a spare?" Alice asked desperately. Kermit thought about it for a second.

"I think Yakko does," he finally said. Alice turned towards him.

"Yeah?" she asked. Yakko smirked.

"Sure, but I don't think you really want it..." he said in sing-song.

"YOU TWIT, I NEED IT! GIVE IT TO ME!!" Alice screamed. Yakko instantly blew the readers a kiss.

"Goodnight, everybody!" he said.

"WHAT?! YOU BLOODY LITTLE..."

"Okay, okay! No need to scream. Here's the spare!" Yakko said, giving her another backpack.

"Thank you!" Alice said as the two pulled their parachutes. She opened it and got...a tire!

"BLOODY HELL!" she screamed as she continued falling. Kermit and Yakko, who had pulled their parachutes, looked down at the scene.

"Poor kid," Kermit commented.

"I know. In the words of Bugs Bunny, ain't I a stinker?" Yakko said, impersonating Bugs.

Alice continued to fall until her skirt poofed up and she started floating down.

"For once, this town's bloody laws start working to my advantage. I wonder why I never thought of this before," Alice said to herself. When she landed on the ground, she eventually saw the demon.

"There you are!" it said devilishly, sneaking towards her. Alice immediately got her knife and, well...All I'm saying is that it didn't end too good for the demon.

When that whole ordeal was done, Alice thought she heard someone going into the dark alleyway next to her. Curious as ever, she followed the sounds to the darkest part of town. She shivered; it was cold, too. Could this get any worse?

"Hey, Liddell."

Alice turned around to see Hinata, Sakura, and Sasuke behind her. All three weilding shuriken and kunai. Alice smiled sadly.

"I somehow knew I'd meet my maker in ToonTown," she said as another figure aimed a gun at her.

"Behind you!" Sakura said, throwing shuriken at the figure behind Alice. She turned around in time to see her would-have-been killer fall to the ground, the gun knocked from their hands.

"Drop the weapons, you three!" Alice snapped, pointing her Vorpal Blade at them.

"What, I just saved your life and you still don't trust us?" Sakura asked as the three shinobi reluctantly dropped their weapons.

"Trust? You know me; I don't trust anybody or anything," Alice snapped.

"Not even your own eyes?" Sasuke asked, pointing at the gun the figure had dropped.

"W-What he means is...t-that's the gun that k-k-killed Pembrook-san, and Judge T-T-Treah pulled the trigger," Hinata explained. Alice's eyebrows shot up.

"Treah? She did this?" she asked. Sakura nodded.

"We followed her to the studio, but we were too late to stop her from killing Pembrook," she added. Treah got up, smirking.

"That's right! You'll never stop me! You're all dead!" she exclaimed, running off. Alice threw three of her cards at the judge, but they all missed.

"Dammit," she cursed.

"Let's go," Sakura said, grabbing Alice's arm as they ran towards what Alice assumed was their car. The trunk was wide open, causing Sasuke to groan.

"He must have woken up," he said.

"W-Where do you th-th-think Naruto-kun is?" Hinata asked. Alice rose an eyebrow.

"Naruto? He chickened out on me back at the studio, did he not?" she asked. The three ninja shook their heads.

"He d-didn't. Sakura-chan hit a pr-pressure point on the back of N-Naruto-kun's neck and I st-stuffed him in the trunk. So he wouldn't hurt himself," Hinata explained. Alice nodded.

"That makes sense," she said.

"It doesn't look like we'll be going anywhere in our car. Let's take yours," Sakura asked. Alice looked at the place where she left her car...only to find it missing. In addition, there was a huge mess in the road ahead.

"Something tells me someone already did," Alice deadpanned.

"It must be Naruto. He was never good behind the wheel," Sasuke asked.

"Better boyfriend than a driver?" Alice asked Hinata. The young Hyuuga blushed, which was its own confirmation. Then the four heard a certain siren.

"Oh, no. I-It's the T-T-Toon Partrol!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Quick, we'll take Strawberry Lane!" Sasuke said, running a one direction. Alice grabbed his arm.

"You're going the wrong way. Strawberry Lane's this way!" she said, pointing her tumb. Then, out of nowhere, the Mario Brothers appeared in their karts.

"You called?" Mario asked. Sakura got an idea.

"Alice, Hinata, you two take the ride. Sasuke-kun and I will try to distract Treah's cronies. Go!" she said. Alice and Hinata complied, getting on the karts as they zoomed off.

"Tell me, how long have you known it was Treah?" Alice asked.

"B-Before Jiraiya-san was k-k-killed, he t-told me that T-Treah wanted T-ToonTown, and w-wouldn't stop at anything," Hinata replied.

"So I'm assuming he gave you the will?" Alice asked.

"Well...he t-told me that, but all I c-could find was a b-blank piece of p-p-paper," Hinata said. Alice couldn't help but think there was something familiar about the way that sounded.

"A joker to the end," she finally said.

"So where are we going? We can't drive around all night!" Luigi said.

"W-We have to find N-Naruto-kun. I-I'm starting to worry," Hinata said. Alice shot her an incredulous look.

"I've been meaning to ask for quite some time...what exactly do you see in Naruto?" she asked. Hinata glanced back at Alice.

"Well...p-p-part of it is that he n-never gives u-up...and h-he also m-makes me laugh," she replied.

Little did the four know that a certain someone was waiting for them outside the tunnel. She dumped the contents of the barrel next to her on the road, and when the karts made contact with said contents they veered out of control. The four screamed.

"We've been dipped!" The Mario Brothers said in unison before they each collided into a tree. Hinata and Alice flew off the karts. Alice was the first to recover from disorentation...and saw Treah smirking. Alice groaned; this could _not_ be good.

"What a shame," Treah said mockingly. "Such an unlucky accident, Alice. There is nothing more dangerous than a slippery road, especially when you're riding a double kart driven by two Italians obsessed with mushrooms, pasta, and bad jokes on the part of the younger brother." Luigi managed to hear that last part.

"Everyone's a critic..." he grumbled.

Then the Patrol truck rode into view. Lock stuck his head out of the window.

"Good, Treah. You caught the other two. We had a tough time catching those two idiot shinobi, but we managed," he said. Treah turned towards her cronies.

"Don't just stand there, Lock. Help them into the truck. I'm certain they'd love to attend the ribbon-cutting ceremony at the Icha Factory," she said, smiling a deadly smile that almost seemed familiar to Alice.

Mario and Luigi could only watch as Hinata and Alice were forced into the truck and were taken away. How could this get any worse?

* * *

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	9. Merry Go Round Broke Down

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

On with the fic! :D

* * *

In the Icha Factory, Alice, Sakura, Sasuke, and Hinata were held at gunpoint. Thankfully, they already moved Jiraiya's body yesterday, so Alice didn't have to pass out again. But she and the others were a bit uncomfortable as Treah's three minions searched them for the will.

"Do they have it?" Treah asked.

"No, just a dumb love letter the ninja probably wrote," Lock said, waving Naruto's letter, which Alice took back. Lock tried to grab it back, but saw Alice glare at her, challenging him to do so.

"That doesn't matter," Treah said, seeing the scene going on. "At least, it won't if the will doesn't show in fifteen minutes." Alice stuffed the letter into her apron pocket, raising an eyebrow.

"What happens in fifteen minutes?" Alice asked. Treah smirked.

"Why, ToonTown will be legally mine, down to the last particle of sand," she replied. The four protagonists looked at a nearby clock. Sure enough, it read 11: 45 PM. If that will doesn't show up...

* * *

Back outside the tunnel leading into ToonTown, a certain ninja drove at a top speed, laughing maniacally. Naruto certainly did a job of Alice's car. The shinobi saw Mario and Luigi on the ground. He stopped and opened the window.

"Mario? Luigi? Is that you?" he asked. Luigi shook his head.

"No, it's Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo!" he said sarcastically as he and Mario limped their way towards the car.

"What happened to you two?" Naruto asked.

"Treah happened! She snatched Alice, Hinata and your teammates and took them to the Icha Factory!" Mario said. Naruto scowled. They took his friends and girlfriend? Treah went too far now!

"I know where that is. Get in!" he said.

"Only if you go in the back. You've done enough damage for one night!" Luigi said. Naruto nodded and went back as Mario took the wheel with Luigi in the passenger seat. They were on their way.

* * *

In the factory, Lock and Barrel were digging into the wall. A beam of sunlight greeted them, causing them to grin.

"We got through to ToonTown!" Lock called. Treah smirked.

"Excellent. Soon I will retire as ToonTown's judge. I feel a stronger call towards something bigger..." she said. Alice stepped forward.

"That wouldn't happen to be Heart Industries, would it?" she asked. Treah nodded at Alice.

"Very good, Alice. You're looking at the sole stockholder for Heart Industries," she said.

"That figures," Sakura deadpanned. She and the other ninja realized something and that pointed them to suspect Treah. What this something is...well, I'm not telling you quite yet. Alice sighed.

"I don't suppose you have a plan to get us out of here?" she asked the other three.

"Sorry, we can't think of anything," Sakura said. Hinata smiled.

"B-B-But I'm s-s-sure Naruto-kun can help us out," she said. The other three looked at each other.

"It's official," Sasuke said, "We're f-" He was interuppted by a sharp whistle.

* * *

Outside, Naruto and the Mario Bros. arrived at the factory. Naruto got out a kunai and stepped out of the car.

"You two get the cops. I'm gonna go save my friends and girlfriend," he said. Luigi recoiled from the kunai, which was pointed at him.

"Be careful with that knife! This isn't some fanfiction parody of a famous movie!" he snapped as he closed the door Naruto closed. Naruto nodded, bolting towards the factory.

"This is no way to make a living..." Mario grumbled as the two drove off.

Naruto tried to open a window, but it wouldn't budge. He sighed.

"Some ninja I am, I can't even...WOAH!" he said when he leaned on the window, causing it to open. He fell into the room and into a toilet. As he tried to get out, he pulled the handle, screaming as he got flushed away.

* * *

Smirking, Treah went towards a covered device. The only thing visible was a valve. She put a metal plate underneath the valve and turned it on, causing a green liquid to pour out into the plate.

"Can anyone guess what this is?" she asked. The group's eyes widened.

"Oh no, it's DIP!" Sakura and Hinata exclaimed in unison.

"That's right! Enough to wash ToonTown out of existence!" Treah exclaimed, pulling the cover. It was a huge machine with countless water cannons.

"It's a vehicle of my own design. It holds more Dip than you can ever imagine! ToonTown and everything in it will be erased in a matter of seconds!" she continued. Sasuke glared at her.

"So what are you planning to do when everything in ToonTown's gone? You don't honestly think people won't notice?" he asked.

"My dear boy, who has time to wonder what happened to a ridiculous flying squirrel when you're driving at about seventy-five miles per hour?" Treah asked.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked.

"T-T-There's no r-r-r-road past T-ToonTown," Hinata said, nodding in agreement.

"Not yet!" Treah said. "A while ago, I stumbled upon a city council plan. A new construction plan of epic proportions. I think it's called a freeway." Alice raised an eyebrow.

"Another freeway? They have thousands of those bloody freeways all over the world! And you kill Jiraiya and Pembrook for this one? I don't get it," she said.

"Of course not, child," Treah said, "You lack vision. In place of ToonTown, I see a future in which people will get off and on the freeway. All day, all night! There will also be a string of gas stations, motels, tire salons, and much, much more! It will be so beautiful." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Like I said before, we already have a bloody freeway. Besides, nobody will drive this one when they can take the buses for five munny," she pointed out.

"They'll have to. You see, I bought that bus station so I could dismantle it," Treah said. There was soon a distant rumbling.

"What the hell?" Shock said. Suddenly, Lock was shot into the ceiling by the force of a geyser. Also in the geyser was a certain orange-outfitted ninja. He landed on his feet, brandishing a kunai.

"Okay, nobody move!" he growled. "Drop every weapon you have to the judge gets it!" It was Naruto! Shock and Barrel dropped their weapons.

"Naruto-kun!" Hinata exclaimed, smiling.

"Hi, Hinata-chan! As much as I'd love to hug you right now, I have to fufill my sense of moral outrage, okay?" he said, grinning.

"Put that kunai down, you dope!" Treah demanded. Naruto glared at her.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't! You kill my sensei, frame me for the murder, and kidnap my friends! Yeah, I know all about it! I may act like a dummy, but I'm not stupid!" he growled. Lock, who was hanging on something hanging over Naruto's head, smirked upon getting an idea. He used his knife to cut through the rope supporting it.

"We as Toons demand justice! While the word probably hits you like a ton of bricks!" Naruto finished. Just then he was flattened by, well...a ton of bricks. Lock, who fell down to the floor, laughed at his idea.

"Natuto-kun!" Hinata exclaimed as the three ninja ran to his side. Naruto's head poked out, and there were swirls in his eyes.

"Say something!" Sakura exclaimed.

"Replacement..." Naruto managed to get out. Treah smirked.

"Tie the ninja together on that hook over there. Use that escape proof Ninja/Toon rope!" she said. As Lock, Shock, and Barrel did this, Sakura said, "You were great, Naruto!"

"Really?" Naruto asked, surprised. Hinata nodded.

"Do you want us to dispose of her right now, boss?" Lock asked, pointing a gun at Alice. Treah shook her head.

"Let her see her friend get Dipped, and then shoot her," Treah said, walking off. Alice glared at Treah.

"With pleasure," Lock said, smirking. Everything was quiet until Treah slipped on some marbles. Lock, Shock, and Barrel laughed at this. Alice tried to grab Lock's gun. Treah saw that and yelled, "Look out!"

"Not so fast!" Lock exclaimed, pointing the gun at Alice again. Treah got up.

"One of these days, you idiots will laugh yourselves to death!" she yelled. A lightbulb lit in Alice's head as she formulated an idea. As Treah walked out, Lock was still snickering.

"I assume everything's funny to you?" Alice asked. Lock glared at her.

"Got a problem with that?" he asked. Alice shook her head.

"I simply wanted you to know something about the guy you're going to Dip!" Alice said, pressing a random button. 'Merry-Go-Round Broke Down' played as a result, causing all eyes to be on her.

Alice smiled; _This_ is where being an ex-Toon PI works to her advantage. As uncharacteristic as this is, Alice started to...sing and dance!

**_Now Naruto's his name_**

_**Jutsu is his game.**_

_**Come on you dope**_

_**Untie his rope**_

**_And watch him go insane!_**

She walked right into a rake, letting herself be hit. Treah's cronies started to laugh hysterically as Alice did more stunts.

"She's lost it," Sasuke said, shaking her head. Naruto grinned.

"Don't be so sure, Sasuke-teme," he said. Alice grabbed three bowling balls and started another verse.

**_This singing's not my line. _**

**_It's tough to make a rhyme. _**

**_If I get stuck... _**

**_I-I'm out of luck...and, um..._**

"I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" Naruto yelled. Alice looked up at him.

"Thank you!" she said, juggling the bowling balls and hitting herself in the head with them. She did other stunts, causing the cronies to laugh harder. Shock then keeled over as her spirit left her body. Sasuke, Sakura, and Hinata then realized what Alice was up to.

"Now I get it..." Sasuke said.

"GO, ALICE, GO! YOU'RE KNOCKING THEM DEAD!" Naruto cheered.

Barrel was the next to go. He tried to prevent his spirit from leaving his body, but it was all in vain.

Alice confronted Lock. Little did she know, a conveyer belt was activated.

_** I'm through with takin' falls! **_

_**And bouncin' off the walls! **_

_**Without that gun, **_

_**I'd have some fun. **_

_**I'd kick you in the ba-**_

Alice was abruptly hit on the head with a vase carried by the conveyer belt.

"NOSE!" Naruto said. Lock looked at Naruto incredulously.

"You dope! That doesn't rhyme with walls!" he exclaimed. Alice got up.

"No, but this does!" she snapped, kicking Lock where no guy wants to be kicked. The kick sent Lock flying right into the Dip.

Alice sighed. The cronies were taken of. Now to get to treah.

"ALICE!" Sakura screamed. Alice turned around to see...

* * *

Aaannnnd cut! Doncha just love a cliffie?

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	10. The True Killer Revealed

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for any made ups I put in.

Sorry it's short. I'm a bit pressed for time. D:

On with the fic! :D

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Alice turned to see that there was a nozzle squirting Dip. And this Dip stream was inching toward her friends!

_"Hey, I gotta have some revenge for my demise, you know? Ta-ta!" _Lock's voice was heard. Alice cursed under her breath; Lock's spirit must have done something to activate the machine! Alice ran towards the machine and pulled a switch. The nozzle went the other way, far away from the ninja. The four sighed in relief.

Until Alice was kicked in the back most suddenly. She fell to the ground and saw Treah glaring murderously at her. Treah turned the switch back on, causing the nozzle to inch toward the group of shinobi.

"Oh no!" Hinata exclaimed as the group tried to wiggle out of the rope. Alice got out her cards and threw five of them at Treah. Two of them managed to cut Treah's cheek. Treah got out a long metal rod and Alice got her knife.

"You honestly think you can beat me with that?" Treah asked.

"Beleive it or not, this knife has helped me out of sticky situations. Allow me to show you!" Alice exclaimed.

The two clashed until Treah knocked Alice's knife away. Thinking fast, she got out a magnet and used it to pull the rod towards her. Treah pushed a hidden button, causing a knife to pop out at the end facing Alice. Seeing that, Alice stopped using the magnet, which attracted a metal barrel. Suffice it to say...Alice was pinned. Treah smirked, putting the kife compartment away.

"Don't move," she said. Alice struggled to get out.

"Dammit," she muttered.

Treah smirked even more. She walked away and, minutes later, came back riding a steamroller. Alice, not wanting to be squashed, had to think fast. She blinked, remembering something. She kicked a box towards her with her foot and grabbed the contents inside. It was a portable hole, another of Jiraiya's pranks. She adjusted the hole size and applied it on the magnet, creating her escape route. She climbed on top of the steam roller and swiped her knife at Treah, who dodged and retaliated. This went on until Treah swung her metal rod at Alice. She dodged and used the Ice Wand, causing the rod to be stuck to the steamroller as it made its way towards the fighters. Alice wisely got out of the way as Treah tried to get the rod out of the ice.

"ALICE, HELP!" Sakura screamed as the Dip inched closer. Alice ran towards the machine and pulled the switch again. The ninja breathed a sigh of relief when the nozzle turned away from them.

"I wasn't worried. Were you?" Naruto asked his friends. They heard screaming and turend to see Treah being flattened by the steamroller. Alice winced at the sight; that could have been her. Naruto saw something that made his eyes pop out of his head. Not literally, of course.

"ALICE, LOOK!" he exclaimed. Alice looked to see the flattened Treah get up. That could only mean...

"Bloody hell, she's a Toon!" Alice exclaimed. Treah looked at Alice, smiling.

"Are you surprised?" she asked. Alice shook her head.

"Now that you mention it, no. Only a Toon would think of putting another freeway in the world," she said. Treah went towards a balloon inflator.

"I'm not just any Toon, Alice..." she said in sing-song as she started to inflate herself. Sakura realized what Treah was about to do. She really should tell Alice this.

"Alice, we found out something that caused us to suspect Treah! We checked the Toon Records - When a Toon is drawn, stuff like that...And Treah's name wasn't on that list! And also..._Treah is an anagram for Heart!_ And the only Toon Heart we could find was..." she started, but was stopped by the look on Alice's face. Complete stupification...and fear.

"Wonderful observation, Haruno Sakura!" Treah said, having completely inflated herself. Her form and outfit started to change. When it was done, her outfit consisted of a blood red dress. A gold and red crown sat on the top of her head. On top of this crown was a ruby heart. Her black hair had been pulled into a tight bun.

"You see, Alice, I wanted to pay you back for that nasty defeat you handed me back in Wonderland," she said. "I saw that you had developed a normal life after leaving Rutledge's. You gained a best friend, and a possible love interest...It was rather obvious that those two _things _were the ones who made you happiest. So I planned to get rid of them and you. I first started by robbing a bank."

Alice backed away from this new Treah, flashbacks illuminating in her mind.

_Watching blood leak out of Kairi through her stab wound..._

"Dispatching your friend - Kairi was it? - was remarkably easy," the woman continued. "When I had seen the look on your face as you saw your friend die, one of pure and abject horror, almost falling off the edge of sanity...I decided to let you live in your agony and guilt."

_Waking up in the hospital and finding out Kairi never made it...the guilt and sadness she felt...If Alphonse hadn't stopped her..._

"Then I set out to kill the boy. The first attempts failed, and I would have gotten him for good if you hadn't pushed him away."

_"Alice, I'm only trying to help you heal! It wasn't your fault Kai-" Alphonse tried to reassure her as Alice went on another rampage. Alice glared at him, insanity and survivor's guilt clearly in her eyes._

_"Stop trying to help, dammit! Don't sugar-coat the situation to make it seem better! Kairi's gone, and it's all_ _my fault! If you're trying to sugar-coat it, you may very well leave!"_

_"Alice..."_

"Then I couldn't even touch the boy. Oh, well. One is better than none," The woman said, opening her still green eyes...Almost as green as Alice's.

"So, do you remember me know? When I killed your best friend, I looked just like this!" The woman yelled.

Alice gripped her head. Treah was not Treah after all...But Redd Heart. Also known as the Red Queen. Alice fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she sobbed, remembering her friend's death. She was so absorbed in her sorrow that she didn't notice Redd putting a blade on the back of Alice's neck.

"Off with her head!" she shouted, swinging the blade...

* * *

...Yeah, I used Redd's _Looking Glass Wars_ appearance, because I love that one. Meh.

What'd you think? Remember, good reviews make and author happy. Flames make one sad.


	11. The Grand Finale

Disclaimer: Why, no, I don't own anything! So yeah, I will basically kill you if you sue! (smiles)

On with the finale!

* * *

Out of reflex, Alice flinched away from the blade. Part of her wondered whether she wanted to let Redd kill her. After all, Alice has been in a depressed rut after Kairi was killed. Maybe it's better this way...

"ALICE! You can't let that little red bitch beat you like this! We know you're stronger than this!" Sakura yelled frantically. If Alice died, what would become of the ninja group? Naruto instantly formulated an idea.

"What would Kairi think if she saw you like this?!" he yelled. That got Alice's attention. Kairi helped her recover after she got out of Rutledge's. And by 'recover', I mean 'adjust'. Kairi helped Alice get the apartment, and helped Alice get settled in. Kairi wouldn't have wanted to see that go down the drain.

Alice got her knife and swatted away Redd's blade. Infuriated, Redd used the blunt end of her scythe to send Alice across the room. When Alice recovered, she saw Redd turning the Dip nozzle back on. Then she walked towards Alice and raided her hand out. She clenched her fist and Alice felt as if she was choking.

"You silly dreamer," Redd sneered walking towards Alice. "If you had only stayed at Rutledges, a life wouldn't have been lost. This whole thing would not have happened if you had stayed in your pitiful self-delusions. You wouldn't have to suffer like this. You wouldn't have to die like this." Redd tighened her grip a bit. "It's over, Liddell. Wonderland is mine!"

Alice struggled to get her knife. When she did, she swung at Redd's fist, creating a cut across her knuckles. When Redd let go out of pain, she got out a black staff with an orange sphere that almost looked like an eye. Out of an impulse, she shot a beam out of the eye staff at the Dip machine. The beam caused a hole in the machine, causing Dip to spray on Redd, who screamed in agony at the burning pain.

Meanwhile, just as the Dip was about to touch the ninja group, the force of the Dip coming toward them suddenly died. Naruto was feeling a bit queasy, while Hinata had already fainted.

"I think I'm gonna puke..." Naruto said.

"You cursed brat! Look what you've done!" Redd exclaimed as she started to melt. Alice stashed her eye staff and ran towards the Dip machine.

"You may be rid of me for now, but I'll be back! I'm always there, Alice. In your deepest fears and darkest nightmares, you'll find me!" Redd yelled as she finally completely melted away. Only her crown remained. Alice took out her eye staff and destroyed the crown.

"Yes, my darkest fears and nightmares...that's all you'll ever be to me now," she said.

"ALICE! I'm glad you destroyed your greatest fear, avenged Kairi and whatnot, but GET US OUTTA HERE!" Naruto yelled. Alice used a nearby remote to move the crane onto which the ninja group was tied. The machine burst through the wall and into ToonTown...where it was taken away by a train. The machine eventually landed in a piece of land and became a playplace for small Pokemon. But that's another story.

"There's Dip everywhere! How do we get down?" Sakura asked. Alice turned on the water valves at this. That caused fire hydrants and fire sprinklers to spray. When she was sure the Dip was completely washed off, she turned them off. Alice cut the ropes with her knife and Naruto went to a corner to puke.

"T-T-thank you, Liddel-san," Hinata said as they heard sirens. Mario, Luigi, James, and Alphonse zoomed into the scene, along with the police.

"Leapin' ravioli! What happened in here?!" Luigi exclaimed, seeing what was left of Redd.

"I've been rescuing Princess Peach from Bowser for over twenty years, and I've never seen anything like this!" Mario agreed. Alphonse examined the remains.

"What's this black stuff? Remains of a crown?" he asked, seeing gem pieces.

"More like remains of a nightmare," Alice said as she grabbed Redd's scythe and gave it to James.

"Here you go," she deadpanned. James stumbled with the weight of it.

"Mind explaining to me what's going on?" he asked. Alice nodded.

"Check the spear that Jiraiya was killed with. I think you'll find that's been made in a similair fashion," she replied.

"So...wait a minute, is that Judge Treah? _She_ killed Jiraiya?" James asked, seeing black hair on the remains.

"Actually, her name was Redd Heart. And not only did she kill Jiraiya, she killed Edward Pembrook. And my best friend," Alice said. Alphonse grabbed her hand in an attempt to comfort her as James did a desending whistle.

Just then, more Toons filed in through the machine made hole and observed Redd's remains.

"I kinda wonder who she really was," Kermit said.

"I'll tell you one thing," Yakko said, "She wasn't a Warner!"

"Or a Nobody," Roxas added.

"Or a monkey!" Lazlo piped in.

As the other Toons listed what Redd wasn't, Alphonse noticed something on Alice's apron.

"Are you okay? Did Redd do that?" he asked. Alice looked at the red stain in puzzlement.

"No, that idiot Jiraiya did that the other day. He said it was disappearing ink, so I haven't the slightest clue as to why it's coming up now," Alice replied. Naruto, feeling better, grabbed a nearby bottle.

"Here you go, Alice! Icha's Disappearing-Reappearing Ink! That was a genius move!" he said, showing Alice the bottle.

"Oh, come on! If that was the case, why couldn't he leave the will where we could easily find it?!" Sakura fumed.

Looking at the bottle, the gears in Alice's head started to turn. She grabbed the note from her apron pocket and handed it to Naruto.

"Why don't you read the note now? Don't say no, I won't accept it," she said. Naruto blushed in embarassment as he opened the letter. Here goes his dignity...

"Dear Hinata, how do I love thee? ...I, Jiraiya, of sound mind and body..." Naruto blanched. He didn't write that! Red ink started to appear under the lipstick. Which meant...

"IT'S THE WILL! ERO-SENNIN MUST'VE DONE THAT TO TRICK US!" he yelled. Everyone gasped.

"Keep reading," Alice urged.

"..Do hereby decree the property known as ToonTown, to my best buddies, the Toons!" Naruto read excitedly. Everyone cheered. The town was theirs after all!Alice and Alphonse hugged each other at this, Naruto pulled Alice out of the hug, grinning.

"Hey, Alice! That was a funny dance you did for those kids. Does that mean your days of being a grump are over?" he asked. Alice shrugged.

"I suppose only time will tell," she replied. Naruto nodded.

"Yeah! Now put 'er there!" he said, holding out his hand. Alice shook his hand...and got a shock. She pulled her hand out and glared her most murderous glare at Naruto. Everything immediately became so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Naruto gulped, saying, "Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already...?" Alice stepped closer to Naruto. Then she...smiled?

"Does this answer your question?" she asked, giving Naruto a huge bear hug. Everyone cheered again at this. Alice let go of Naruto, who was gasping for air.

"C'mon, Hinata. Wanna go grab some ramen?" he asked. Hinata nodded as they hugged. Then they, along with Alice, Alphonse and the other ninjas, started to walk off into the hole in the wall, with the Toons following. While they were walking, Alphonse kissed Alice on the forehead. She smiled and looped her arm aroun Alphonse's. Then the Toons started to sing.

_Smile darn ya smile,  
You know this old world  
Is a great world after all.  
Smile darn ya smile  
And right away  
Watch Lady Luck  
Pay you a call  
Things are never black  
As they are painted  
Time for you and joy  
To get aquainted  
Make life worthwhile  
So, Smile, darn ya smile!_

The Toon cops were pushing everyone out (Hey, this is still a crime scene.). One of them said, "Okay, move along! There's nothing to see here! That's all, folks!" He pondered at this.

"Hmmm...If Porky Pig can do it, how hard can it be?" the cop, named Demyx, said, facing the fourth wall.

The famous Looney Tunes theme played as the circle surrounded Demyx. He waved at you, readers.

"That's all folks!" he said. Then the scene faded to black.

**_Goodnight, everybody!_**

* * *

YAY! Finally finished with this parody! =D

...Yeah. This is like, my first completed project in a while, so I'm pretty stoked. I think this fight scene is cheesy, though...

Anyway, much thanks to everyone who read and reviewed! You guys are the best! (grins)


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